You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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