My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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