Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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