he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
