Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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