Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
