she woke up with a sticky ear
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
