My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
