if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I party with great urgency now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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