They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
