Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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