I wish they made helmets for livers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
