Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
