Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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