Just cropdusted the office
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
