see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
