I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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