dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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