So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
