I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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