i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
