dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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