i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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