i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
