I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
