hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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