OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
