Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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