best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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