I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
