do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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