Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
