then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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