My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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