this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
