chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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