My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize