How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
