Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
