guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
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Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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