Well apparently he's into motor boating.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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