She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize