if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
