When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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