Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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