when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
