Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
