She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
