Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize