You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't deserve a penis
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
