After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
