Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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