Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
