I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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