wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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