took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
