She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
