my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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