tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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