tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.