My room smells like vodka and shame
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once