I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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