ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
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You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.