It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
